This week was a Saturday visit of the strange and wonderful that’s out there in film land. This week was a strange collection of the classic and the naked!
The Mouse on the Moon
A classic British comedy from the early days of the Space Race.
The country of Grand Fenwick has a problem. The country is bankrupt after their major export, wine, starts to explode when the bottle is opened! They also have another one, that being indoor plumbing and hot water. They don’t have either! However, the evil Prime Minister has an idea on how to get the money. Lie to America and get them to give him the money.
The lie is a little one. That being Grand Fenwick has a space program and would like some assistance from America to pay for it. It works! Not only does he get his money but more. It’s not even a loan but a gift. Not only that, the Russians find out and send them a on old Bostock rocket so not to be out done by the evil Americans.
The young people of Grand Fenwick are revolting and are trying to get their beloved Prime Minister removed. That and his space dreaming son, Bernard Cribbins.
Somehow Brrnard and the countries only scientist hatch a plan to get to the moon using the explosive wine. They just have to get their slowly otherwise they could burn up on takeoff. So a trip that would take the American and Russian rockets 48 hours to get to the Moon this rocket would take three weeks! Not only that, they would have fresh eggs on the way and roast chicken on the return trip!
ALong the way the British hear about the money and the rocket. This causes them to send their “best” agent to find out more. That leading to some great lines and gags from the great Terry-Thomas from a strange selection of cameras to being disguised as a haystack!
Our story goes on with some incredible casting such as Peter Salas playing a Russian diplomat. Even in 1963 he looked the same way as he did 20 years later in Last Of the Sumner Wine. Not only that, we get some great news reports using a split screen so we see the same action going on in Russia and America. Both using the same lines but one is in, possibly, Russian. That makes this film even more fun and you wanting to see what happens next. One of these sequences is when the rocket finally lifts off at a slow pace. Some up and downing it goes but finally craws into space and to the moon.
Whilst this is happening the Americans hatch a plot to get to the moon at the same time as our plucky Grand Fenwickians. but they arrive late as our heroes have a slight problem. One of the beer handles that control the speed was increased so they get to the moon a couple of days ahead of schedule to the confusion of the American and, not to be outplayed, the Russian crews.
After a nice chicken dinner and the professor telling a story about the people who would be remembered are the first ones to get back not the first one to plant the flag, the American & Russian crews make their apologies and rush for their own ship. They succeed in getting into that on the 2nd attempt! That went well until they try and take off and go down into the moon and not up to space.
It then comes down to our plucky Mice to save the day. All six squeeze into the capsule and then spend three cramped weeks coming home. That and the slowest re-entry that is possible so not to burn up. They all land in the central plaza. That to much adulation from the population and wonder from the American, Russian & British delegates!
A wonderful film from the director who went on to do A Hard Day’s Night & Help. Made at a time when Britain was leading the world in film. A great example of the era.
The best thing to say about this film is that everyone we wanted to die during the film did! On the other hand, they don’t die nearly as quickly as we would have liked them to have dies quicker as the film does feel that it’s a bit long. Either that or we can have some more gooing.
The story isn’t that important as we lost track of who was who and what was going on apart from it involved the Mafia, police, lots of homeless people, a scrapyard that happy takes homeless people and goo. Add to that a psychologically scared pathologically psychotic Vietnam vet who has a human thigh bone as a knife!
What happens is a liquor store owner discovers two cases of “Viper” hidden behind a wall. he decides to sell it at $1 per bottle. This is then purchased by our hero bum. Someone who seems to have quite a lot of sex even if he is homeless!
The first death involves a lot of miss-direction before they get the bottle that kills them in a humorous, but quite disgusting, destruction on a toilet. The second and third deaths of the Viper happen not that long after the first, and between out Vietnam Vet’s murderous rampage of a hapless geek & his girlfriend. This one decides to have his last drink on the fire escape and his goo splats onto someone who is just walking under when he gets splatted. That causes his face to disolve and not a happy end for him. There is a real annoying woman in this scene trying to take control. All you want to do to her is slap her until she shuts up! She is that annoying!
From here, we hit the second act. That starts with “comedy girlfriend slapping“. This sort of “comedic” does other things but I’m not going to mention them here for reasons of taste. This act just sets the scene, we do see naked women and some normal deaths during this act but we were all wanting more death from goo not by normal methods. This act also shows up a sub-plot of our hero-bum’s brother and the manager of the junk yard getting to know each other…. That and flashbacks that involve Vietnamese vampires trying to kill you.
A lot of the comedy in this film fails badly. It maybe because what people think s funny has changed in the, almost, 30 years since this film was made. I doubt it as most of the humour involves insulting people. Not only that, there is a huge sequence that involves a chopped off penis being used to play catch with whilst the owner tries to get it back. Another show at the levels of what somebody thought was funny! It’s just funny in its cringeworthyness and use of sex toys purchased from a cheap sex shop!
It now starts to get going again with the last 25 minutes of the film just being the deaths of everyone we wanted to die. A bum who our hero doesn’t like, the owner of the liquor store, the Vietnam vet’s girlfriend ) and, whilst the credits roll, the Mafia boss. We haven’t cheered as much for a while. Not only that, they all die in a different way. A lot of latex has been used to show the deaths.
The end of the film is a chase between all of our heroes and the Vietnam vet. This finally finishes in a great way that involves a gas cylinder used as a rocket
Zombies Vs. Stripers
The only reason we watched this film is that I got it confused with the final film of the night. The much better Zombie Strippers! We did noticed that there was “Bradd Potts” in it. A low-rent Brad Pitt? Not only that, our strip joint owner looks like he got he same suit as Nicolas Cage wore in Snake Eyes. Quite nasty!
It now plays out as a clichéd zombie movie. There isn’t that much to report apart from it is quite dull even if we do see boobies. Unlike our other zombie film this just plays out with nothing new. The humour isn’t that funny. There is a sequence where one of our strippers has sex with the doorman whist he transformed from a human [ he got bit quite early on ] into a brains wanting zombie. the bimbo does think that his groans are either answers to her questions or the noise of the fun he is having.
At one point a Christian biker gang turns up and tries to take the place over. That fails as they do die later on! That and a sub plot that involves a 50s throwback character on TV called Hambo.
If you like zombies, strippers and naked boobies in a film then this could be the perfect film for you. On the other hand, you can wait and see what we thought about the other zombie film we saw.
What would happen if Strippers became zombified? That is the age old question that this film tries to answer.
It starts off at an attempt to show that this film is making a social point. Talking about the War on Terror, the price of oil and other things that were important at the time the film was made. Bush was still, just, in the White House.
The film starts with what is mentioned above, then it switches to more mundane matters. A load of scientists screaming and trying to escape something. Most of them fail. Mainly by being eaten by a horde of zombies that were accidentally caused because of some experiment to keep soldiers alive after they died!
We also meet a crack set of army personnel. Yep “The brain”, “The muscle”, “The funny one” & the authoritarian leader. They are all here. Sorry, missed the one with big boobs and a tight top!
From now on, the gags do come quite fast and are very predictable. You are, at some points, just waiting for the pay-off they you know is coming. Zombies breaking their chains, heads being blow off in a very CGI manner. It just takes a bit of time.
Zombie killing appends but one assassination does make one of the part run for it. Right into the depths of a strip joint. This is now where the action starts to get fun. Well, if you like strippers that show a little more flesh than in Zombies Vs Strippers!
All the strippers are bitches to each other. Not only that we have a country girl who decides that stripping s for her after moving ot the big city. Got the clichés yet as they don’t stop here!
The great Robert Englund is now slumming it, but with a great camp attitude, in low rent films like this! It is a nice breath of true acting talent around porn stars and other people with such talents.
From now on the film concentrates on the strip joint and the interaction between the strippers and how being bitten changes them into super-strippers who just do their job infinitely better and as such are making a ton of money. That happens right up to the point where they decide to start to eat the brains of the customers and try to take them from the uninfected staff members. It all starts with the soldier and one of the strippers during her performance. An interesting way to find your true talent. Having your throat removed then coming back to un-life during a discussion on how to get rid of her body then back to work as a stripper. A super stripper! Now it involves lap dancing and biting in places where you shouldn’t be bitten as hard. Sometimes not at all! At least the zombies do offer their food to anyone who wishes to partake.
More strippers are made, more customers eaten but this time our brave owner, janitor, Sam L Jackson-lite and our foreign stripper-mother have a cage to put them in and keep them under control and everyone else safe. This works right up to the time where the strippers decide to become super-strippers and feed themselves to the undead. With that we have an undead bitch/strip fight to decide who is queen bitch. This ends in pool balls used as weapons fired from, well, I’ll leave you to figure that our. Just let me say it involves a stripper who has finished her act. They do seem to be thrown at a high speed. Enough to throw a zombie across the stage.
Act 3 not turns into a fight for survival as well as eliminating the zombies. The standard rules of zombie killing applies. Shot them in the head! Whilst this is going on and more of our heroic heroes die, the bitch fight is still going on. This time it’s getting nasty. Ripping off skin and bones. Right up to the point where the army turns up and finishes the fight for good. Removing zombie heads do it for you!
A much better film than Zombies Vs Strippers. A good one for people who like boobies, rubber heads, boobies & hilarious deaths then this one is for you!